


alive and kicking (and screaming)

by avapacifica



Series: October Writing Challenge 2019 [16]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Canon Compliant, During Canon, Heavy Angst, Hurt, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Secrets, Short One Shot, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 20:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avapacifica/pseuds/avapacifica
Summary: Harry has been beaten up continually by the world, Peter is supposed to be the one who stays





	alive and kicking (and screaming)

**Author's Note:**

> Day 16: Cursed  
I don't like this :D

It’s not what Harry was expecting as a welcome home gift, but as fucked up as it sounds, he accepts the disease nonetheless. Maybe it’s just his brain’s way of rationalizing that he’s going to die, but it doesn’t seem that bad. He has no friends, soon he won’t have any family. There’s no one to mourn him, and he doesn’t see that as a bad way to go out. Having little impact when you die is so much better than having people to hurt.

Norman dies the next day, Harry doesn’t even feel a thing. He feels bad for not feeling bad, but he knows that doesn’t count. His father hadn't done anything for him, Harry supposes his lack of emotions isn’t without reason. But his stone cold attitude towards his own demise is surprising even himself.

It’s not as if he hadn't been suicidal before. The first time he remembers wanting to die was when he was 11 and Norman had sent him off to boarding school. Young yes, but full of anger anyway. He hadn’t exactly known what to do with the feelings, and had repressed them deep. They only re-emerged around a few years ago when he discovered the bottle. Not his proudest moment. But not lately, Harry had actually been having good thoughts about returning. New York is his home, he’s been looking forward to coming back since he got on the plane to leave eight years ago. 

He’s been going to a therapist lately, he honestly feels like he can drift through life. But dying? It just doesn’t bother him all too much. 

Then Peter visits. His old friend’s face hits him like a ton of bricks. He's actually feels happy, and that’s the scariest part of it all. When he hugs him there’s a feeling he can’t quite place, but it makes him stomach come alive. It’s childlike, and Harry doesn’t hate it at all. The only bad thing is that he’s going to lose it all. Peter was a reason to live, and Harry hated it.

But then a glimmer of light shines through the cracks of it all. Spider-Man. The guy who looks out for everyone in New York. Whatever had affected him could potentially save Harry’s life. And he just knows, Peter has to know him. When Harry brings it up to his friend, Peter tries to play dumb, but he still has the same tells of lying he did when they were kids. 

Spider-Man later comes to him, and for a moment there, that feeling returns to Harry’s stomach. He’s going to live. But then the hero says it’s going to take time, more time than Harry has. Everything seems to be falling out beneath him, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He drinks, he cries. None of it makes him feel better. He preferred when everything was easier, when he felt like he was floating. Happiness is a sham, just a thin cover to hide the immense pain that comes with it.

The ultimate betrayal comes soon after. 

Peter is Spider-Man. 

It doesn’t make sense, Peter wouldn’t lie to him. He can’t find it in himself to believe it. Even after all the evidence that he keeps finding, he tells himself he has to see it for himself. Flying down to the power plant he had seen Gwen. That’s where the real emotion had come in. It was like nothing Harry had ever felt before. He thought he was going to explode like Electro had, but not with electricity, only red hot anger. 

The only person he had decided to stay alive for couldn’t even help him achieve that. He hadn’t succumbed to this disease, all for one guy. He hadn’t admitted it, but that wasn’t Harry’s fault. Friends are supposed to help each other. He’s breathing because he wants to be with Peter. It doesn’t even matter how his friend wants to take that, Harry would reduce to begging if it meant he got even a scrap of a bond from the other boy.

Not anymore. If Peter wants him dead, then Harry has to do the exact opposite. His reason for staying alive is still Parker, but it’s now based completely in spite. Harry promises himself he’ll do everything to hurt Peter like he had been hurt himself. He’ll do that until his very last breath. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, because I sure didn't. Kudos and comments are appreciated anyway!


End file.
